honoring my dads – happy father’s day

Many of us grow up as part of a typical nuclear family – mom, dad, sister/brother, sparky the dog and mittens the cat. In my case I grew up with not one but two dads. Later in life I gained a third. Today, on Father’s Day, I’d like to honor these three men and share how each one has helped to make me the man, and father, I am today.

Let me start off by saying that none of these men were perfect fathers, husbands or even friends. They are human and fallible just like all of us. And even in their imperfections and through all of their mistakes I will still hold each of them in the highest esteem as long as there is breath and life in me.

me and my Dad on a recent camping trip in Arkansas – the date is a year off

First, my Dad, Tom. When I was born my mother was not quite 18 and my dad was not quite 19. This was 1980, and while teen pregnancy wasn’t quite common, we’re not talking about the 1950s either. As I’m sure anyone out there can relate this is not an ideal situation to begin a marriage (yes they got married about 5 months before I was born) becoming a husband and father all at once. Most of us like to space these things out a bit. Fast forward through all the dirt that makes up life and we get to today. My Dad is one of my best friends. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can go to him with any problem and he will listen without judgement and without prejudice. He’ll offer advice if I ask it, but otherwise he’s always been a true confidant and a true encouragement to me through many a foolish decision I’ve made. Despite whatever has and will happen in life, I’ll never love my dad any less than I do right now.

me (13-ish), my stepfather Frank, and my mother

My stepfather, Frank. He and my mother began dating when I was about 2-ish. Until I was grown he was the dominant male figure in my life. He and I did not always see eye to eye growing up. He was 18 years my mother’s senior, which put a considerable age gap between he and I. I was growing up in a much different time than he did and this led to a lot of….misunderstandings, to put it mildly. Me being a punk teenager didn’t help matters much either. He and my mother separated when I was 16. By this time I was starting to see some of the wisdom in what he was trying to instill in me in my earlier years. From the time I was 16 until he passed away just before my 21st birthday we became very close. I unfortunately realized much too late that he loved me no different than his own son. He did the best he could with what he had and some of my most fond memories in life are of him. I know he’s staring down at me and I hope he’s proud of the man he helped make me today. Hell, he taught me how to pee standing up. Things like that are important.

My father-in-law, Duane, at the top of Pinnacle Mountain

Lastly, and certainly not least, my Father-in-law, Duane. I honestly can’t say enough good things about him. Obviously it’s thanks to him that I have my wife – duh. But more than that he’s been an amazing friend and spiritual father to me. I can imagine that it must have been difficult to accept his christian daughter dating an avid buddhist, but from the beginning he showed me nothing but love and continues to pour that love into me, my wife and my children. Like my own father, I can go to Duane with anything and he’ll offer the same unbiased and unprejudiced council. Over the last 8 years he’s shaped me in ways I can’t even comprehend yet, but I’m grateful to have him in my life.

Fathers can come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes by choice and sometimes by fate. But however they come into our life we must not take for granted what they have to teach us both through instruction and through example. No father is perfect, none but God, and we shouldn’t expect them to be. But we should love, honor and respect them as long as we’re able. Happy Father’s Day to all the Dad’s out there and all the Dad’s to be.

Daily Prompt: Fantasy

The Tooth Fairy (or Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus . . .): a fun and harmless fiction, or a pointless justification for lying to children?

Growing up I believed in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny (I was actually born on Easter Sunday, so that was huge for me). I believed in Fairies, Spirits, Angels and all manner of what we call fantastical beings. And not because my parents necessarily went out of their way to “lie” to me, but because as children we see more than what is just at face value in the world. We believe in what some would call fantasy, because for children it’s not fantasy.

More than that, these “lies” that parents tell their children about the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, etc are not lies. These fantastical figures have roots in historical fact and cultural tradition. These are important to carry down through the generations to preserve our heritage. Without these traditions, without honoring the past in this way, we effectively delete our roots as a culture, as a people. And, honestly, how many kids do you know that were irreparably damaged because they found out Santa was just Mom and Dad staying up really late? Yeah, no one comes to mind for me either.

Daily Prompt: Erasure

You have the choice to erase one incident from your past, as though it never happened. What would you erase and why?

The answer for this is easy:

NOT. ONE. SINGLE. THING.

My life is a cumulative achievement made up of all the choices that I have made throughout my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. If I was able to change an incident or a choice that I made I would fundamentally be a different person today. Perhaps I would be a person who wouldn’t care about the Daily Prompt, in which case you wouldn’t be reading this right now. Perhaps if I could change my life I would make the wrong choice and I would be worse off for it.

The bottom line is you can not change the past. Nor should you want to. Do we all do things that are unfortunate, mean, illegal or just wrong? Sure. The point of life is to move beyond those mistakes and missteps, learn the lessons that are offered in those moments and make better choices down the road.

You are who you are for a reason. Rather than focusing on what you could change, accept who are you, love who you are and make choices that will hopefully make your life and the lives around you better.

Daily Prompt: Seven Days

You wake up tomorrow morning to find all your plans have been cancelled for the next seven days and $10,000 on your dresser. Tell us about your week.

Only one thing comes to mind – 7 Days, 7 Cities.

For years I’ve had a list of the top ten places in the US I want to visit. This list includes cities that I’ve never been to but have always wanted to visit, and if I had a week off and $10k in the bank I’d make each day count like a mo’fo. So here’s my list in order starting with Saturday and ending with Saturday.

1. Seattle, Washington (with a brief trip to Victoria and Vancouver)

2. San Fransisco, California

3. Denver, Colorado

4. Coby, Wyoming ( closest town to Shoshone National Forest)

5. Bellvue, Idaho (closest town to Craters of the Moon)

6. Chicago

7.Alamogordo, New Mexico (outside Lincoln National Forest)

In case you can’t tell, I REALLY like the outdoors. I could easily spend 7 days in EACH of these places and not get my fill, but hey. So, what would be your dream week with $10k to burn?

Daily Prompt: Places

Places. What are places? Do you have a favorite place? Is there a place that you need to go, to get away, to clarify, to download, to decompress, to escape or just to BE? I imagine for most of us the answer would be yes. It certainly is for me. Living in Florida there really wasn’t a “place” for me to go to accomplish any of the above listed things. It was more a state of being that I had to go to, a refuge in my own mind. That state has always only be achieved when running.

Top of Pinnacle Mountain

But now, living in Arkansas, there is a actual place I can go. The top of Pinnacle Mountain, which is, quite literally, around the corner from my house. And, there’s nothing particularly magical or mystical about Pinnacle. It’s a mountain, much like any other in this part of the US, but for me it’s the first I’ve ever climbed. It’s the highest peak I’ve ever sat atop and quite frankly the first time I made it to the top was….well, magical. It was quiet, serene, peaceful, majestic, and a little humbling.

So, when I sat down two minutes ago to write this post, it got me thinking about the idea of “place” and not just in the sense of identification, but in the larger sense of having something more, something intangible that evokes a response from people. As architects, it’s our job to design and construct buildings. These building serve a function, provide a necessary service to society, but more than the visceral function of a building we are creating places. If we’re not thinking beyond the basic requirements of our client’s needs for a building and moving on to the larger context of the impact on it’s surroundings, then we have failed to create, we have failed to improve and strengthen the larger fabric of our society. We have failed as architects if we do not at least try for something more in our practice.

Daily Prompt: Happily Ever After

happiness is in your hands

“And they lived happily ever after.” Think about this line for a few minutes. Are you living happily ever after? If not, what will it take for you to get there?

This is usually a question that gets asked of us by our spouse. “Are you happy?” “Are you ok?” “Does this dress make me look fat?” Wait, that’s not right…. Either way, “happiness” as defined by my good friend Webster is “a state of well-being and contentment”, or “a pleasurable or satisfying experience”. These are rather vague and esoteric definitions and can mean just about anything to and for anyone else. Today we’ll try and keep our focus centered on the realm of professional happiness in Architecture. What does it take, what does it look like and where can it take you – these are the avenues we’ll travel down together.

Now, obviously if the Webster definition of happiness is purposely meant to be vague, than it stands to reason that professional happiness in Architecture also will be vague. And this is mostly true. Professional happiness is going to be different for all of us. None of us are wired the same and we all take pleasure from things in different ways.

What it takes:

What it takes for me to be happy in my professional career can be summed up in two areas: first, feeling a sense of worth and value at my workplace; and second, being challenged often at what I do.

The feeling of worth and value can come from two places as an Architect. First from your boss (unless you are the boss in which case I would hope you value yourself) and second from your clients. If your clients do not value your services then they will not refer others to you and by extension you will most likely not be very successful. If you’re working for a firm it can be difficult to feel that sense of value. Most times you will need to do something to stand out from a crowd, to prove yourself continuously in order to gain trust and eventually value. This is not an ideal situation and usually leads to finding new positions elsewhere.

Being challenged can also be challenging. Not all projects are glamorous…well, lets be honest, few projects are glamorous. But all projects, if seen from the proper perspective, offer unique and interesting challenges and problems to solve. Solving them efficiently and effectively is, in my mind, key to a sense of professional happiness. Something as simple as a bathroom renovation within an existing home can be very simple, but also very challenging in it’s execution. Perhaps the home sits on a slab and breaking that slab would kill the budget. How then do you deal with the placement and rearrangement of new fixtures? Small issues like this, which occur on all projects both large and small, allow us to flex our creative muscle and devise new and interesting solutions to mundane problems. This, sometimes above all else, makes me happy, and maybe even a little giddy.

What it looks like:

What does professional happiness look like? How does it work in practice? Well, if you’ve made it this far, you’ve already seen the answer – it’s up to you to find joy in your professional career rather than waiting around for either your boss or clients to give it to you. It has to be sought after, pursued and snatched from the air. In this country we have a right to pursue happiness, not a right to happiness itself.

If, as an Architect or designer, you can’t find joy in the mundane of professional practice you’ll never be truly happy even when those glamorous projects do come around because you’ll be bitter and resentful and more importantly BORED.

Where can it take you:

If, however, you can find the kind of joy in the mundane and monotonous, then you can do anything, create anything and build anything. Your boss and your clients will value you because you value yourself and your work. This will lead to new projects, new responsibilities, new challenges and new happiness.

In the end, happiness, both personal and professional, is in your own hands. You can choose to be happy and find joy in what you do and the people around you, or you can choose not to in which case….well, I feel very sorry for you indeed.

Daily Prompt: Undo

If I could pick one thing to un-invent what would it be and why.

I would like to tell you all that I would choose a noble and lofty thing to un-invent like the nuclear bomb or microwaves or twinkies – you know, those things that make life more difficult. But honestly, those things were a part of the natural evolution of the human condition and with respect to the A-bomb and microwaves have led to many other technological developments that have vastly improved life. Twinkies should just disappear on general principle. Seriously.

But no, the one thing that I would un-invent, if given the opportunity, is….wait for it…

THE SPEED BUMP

Seriously. It just makes me angry. Not only does it screw up the bottom of my car, but it causes a most unnecessary interruption in my driving flow. And if I happen to be in my 5spd at the time it means I have to downshift, roll over the thing and then speed away. If ever there was a human invention that was more annoying, I’m sure I don’t know what it is.

Without speed bumps we could all cruise without interruption through residential neighborhoods, school zones, shopping malls and church parking lots like the good ole days. Ah, Utopia.

what have you done for me lately?

This is turning into a total blog-off about architecture. I started with “why do architects ‘architect’” and then followed with “breaking the law” to which Lee followed up with “you don’t need a drawing” to which I am now following with this post.

Anyone over the age of 25 (hopefully) has seen Eddie Murphy’s stand-up show Raw in which he famously coins “what have you done for me lately” in reference to women’s attitude towards men. I’m applying it here to the very tenuous and sometimes ethereal relationship between architects and clients. Clients obviously being represented by the women’s point of view. The question of “what have you done for me lately”, or more to the point “what do you DO for me” are key to the majority of problems the profession faces today. If a client does not understand the value that you bring to the table why on earth would they ever pay you or even contract your services in the first place? This got me in the mood to sit down and think of what I would consider the top 5 reasons that you (the client) NEED an architect on your residential project. And this goes for any project. I don’t care if you’re renovating a bathroom, master suite, kitchen, living room, adding a mother-in-law suite, adding a second story or even building a brand new home. An architect is essential to the process and the money you spend in the beginning for his/her expertise will be worth far more down the road. And here’s why:

Beaux Arts Ball, 1931

Top 5 Reasons to Hire an Architect on your Residential Project:

1. Architects understand human behavior.

More than just being an expert in building design, Architects often play the role of a psychologist as well. It’s essential to building planning that we understand the how and why of the building occupants and the relation of the spaces they’ll be using. If you understand how and why someone will use a space you can better design that space to be as functional and comfortable as possible. Without this essential and intangible element of design what you end up with is a pre-manufactured arrangement of spaces that is based only on historical sales data provided by builders and developers over time. While this kind of data isn’t always completely inaccurate in predicting how people “like” their homes to work, it’s not based on how YOU like your home to work. And your home should be designed for YOU and not some fictional “customer” who isn’t you, doesn’t eat like you, entertain like you, watch tv like you, sleep like you. Get the picture? How many times have you walked into a home you were thinking about buying and said to yourself or your husband/wife “this house is great, but I’d like to change x, y and z”? I bet every single time.

2. Architects advocate for design AND function in their purest forms.

Have you ever driven through a large suburban planned development? Do you ever notice that not only do all of the houses look conspicuously similar, but it’s nearly impossible to discern what architectural style or period they represent? That’s because they aren’t designed to any singular architectural style or period. They are built in a myriad of styles and periods to elicit the maximum “customer base” possible. And the “function” of the home is based on that historical data I mentioned earlier. An Architect, on the other hand, will design your home to your specifications, taking into account your personal style and architectural tastes, and guide you in the design of the functional parameters of your home’s layout. This is incredibly important in the design process, before construction, when it’s most important to investigate different options and arrive at the most successful solution to your project.

3. Architects don’t just design your home, we design your property.

This is most essential when your site is either urban or suburban where lots are not very large and houses tend to be located close together. If your home isn’t being designed and built with your neighbors in mind….well, lets just say there’s a reason they say “good fences make good neighbors”. For example, lets say you’ve got a lake-front lot. Your builder gives you a laundry list of choices to make and one of them is whether or not to have a rear fence along the side yard down to the lake. You, the client, not knowing any better and not having anyone on the project to tell you differently, say “yes, I want a fence”. So the builder goes out and orders the one fence that is standard for the neighborhood and plunks it down all the way to the water’s edge. Now you’ve got a 6′ privacy fence blocking half your and your neighbor’s view. When instead your architect would have stopped you, pulled you aside, hopefully asked for a meeting if this wasn’t already discussed, and spent at least a few hours thinking of appropriate options that would have afforded privacy without sacrificing that gorgeous view you paid a premium for in the first place.

4. Architects provide the best insurance money can buy.

During design, pricing and construction your architects is your advocate. We don’t work for ourselves, we don’t work for the contractor, we don’t work for the inspectors, we work for you, the client. This means that we apply all our education and experience in design, construction, human behavior, psychology and feng shui to make sure that, during design, your wants, needs and desires are being met; during pricing and value engineering your wants, needs and desires are being met; and during construction when the contractor calls you and says “I found some windows in China that are just as good as the ones your architect specified for 1/3 the price” your wants, needs and desires are being met. (note – no, those windows from China are not just as good and yes, you should listen to your architect when he tells you to go with what was originally specified).

5. Your architect is your advocate and advisor during construction.

Unless you are a contractor, you need an advocate on site that understands the construction process. Construction is a complex process that involves different tradesmen, scheduling, ordering and deliveries. But more than that it is a juggling act to ensure that things meet budget. The contractor has every reason in the world to take as many short cuts as he can get away with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen well designed projects go to hell because the architect was not retained for Construction Administration services by the client. The client says “well the contractor knows what he’s doing, so I don’t need to pay the architect to be there after design.” Not true. The contractor will try and substitute every single building material and specified product to shave a few bucks off the total budget. And if you, the client, are not familiar with the standards and specifications outlined by your architect you will end up with a home that is not built to perform the way you paid your architect to design it. In other words, you are not getting what you pay for.

In the end, the money you pay your architect will help ensure that your home is designed for YOU and not someone else; that your contractor will be held to the standards set forth in the construction drawings and specifications and that your home will be built to budget, on time and with quality materials and finishes. Your home will last longer, perform better and be a sound investment in your family’s future. Your architect is essential to this.

Daily Prompt: Burning Down the House

“Your home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab?”

Questions like this are incredibly important. They force you to take a true account of the crap that you fill your life with, the distractions that you allow and the false sense of value that you place on things that can be destroyed or taken away in a moments notice. Only the Egyptians believed that you could take stuff with you into the afterlife. Look how well that worked out for them. :-\ In most world religions there is a strong lesson in learning to let go of “stuff” in favor of anything that brings true meaning and value to your life.

If I were to be truly honest here, not one single thing. If I assume my wife and children are safe, the rest of it can burn to ash and blow away. If I were to think practically, I’d grab my cell phone, my laptop and a change of clothes. But, again, to be honest, as long as my family is safe there isn’t one thing I’d risk my health grabbing in a fire or any other natural disaster. For the rest, I’ll let George Carlin do the talking.

Daily Prompt: Through the Window

Today’s prompt is to stare out your window for a full minute and then write about what you see……Cause, you know, we’ve all got so much free time on our hands that we can just stop and stare out the window contemplating the higher purpose of life and other such esoteric gems. :-\

the view.

So, this is my view. Little Rock, Arkansas – Downtown. I’m up on the 7th floor with a view of the historic Pulaski County Courthouse, which is also one of the projects my firm is currently working on. My general view consists of the old and the new, mountains and plains, land and sky. In short, awesome.

Coming from the great flat lands of Florida, this is an incredibly welcomed change of scenery. And not just for the landscape. The cityscape also, for me, is an improvement. While Little Rock doesn’t have quite the number of tall buildings that crowd downtown Jacksonville, there is a pleasant mix of old and new that is refreshing. “Preservation” is something that is actually practiced in the true sense, while most new construction is contemporary and modern. I haven’t come across a lot of historical copy-cat architecture which is so common in Jacksonville and other “historic” cities. If we, as architects, endeavor to create cities of our time and place in history, with an eye towards improving how people experience the world around them, then we can’t be constantly concerned with “style” and “period”. Little Rock is a city that seems to respect and honor the past while also providing for it’s future. Hallelujah.